When?

Dear Baby,

Some days I feel like we will be parents "soon." That our days of dreaming of you and imagining you existing will become days of you actually existing. Some days I think that this journey can't last much longer and that surely we will be blessed soon. That God will answer our prayers and bring you to us.

Other days, I wonder if you will ever come to be. If I will ever be lucky enough to hold you in my arms and feel my heart swell with love for you. It's hard for me to even imagine feeling that kind of joy most days.

This journey so far has been tough. It's been a roller coaster and often feels like there are more downs then ups. There have been positive things to come out of this journey though. I feel like it has strengthened my marriage, rather then weaken it. I pray more often. And I know that once the ride is "over" I'll be getting on a new ride and this one will really seem all the more worth it. I know that once dreaming of you becomes holding you, that moment will mean so much more to me than it would have if this journey hadn't been so tough. So while I am now in the midst of heartache, I hope that someday I will truly appreciate this journey, for the ups and the downs. I read once, from someone that went through infertility, that infertility did not define them, but that it would always be a part of them because it was what led them to their daughter. I hope I am able to feel that way someday.

Love,
Mommy